That's Not What I Meant!

“I didn’t mean to!”

“Well that’s not what I meant.”

“I wasn’t trying to upset anyone.”

How often do you find yourself saying something like that? You opened your mouth, or you made a decision that affected others, and you had good intentions (or, at least, not bad ones)—but now you’re finding out that things didn’t go like you thought or weren’t received the way you expected, and you’re feeling defensive. I am not the problem here! you’re trying to explain. You just took things the wrong way. Or, How could I have known it would cause all of that??

If you are a human being who interacts with other human beings, you’ve experienced this.

There’s a long discussion in the book of Romans that can sound a little odd to us today. It’s in chapter 14 (and the beginning of 15), where Paul addresses whether or not Christians should eat meat. Now, this wasn’t about veganism or vegetarianism versus diets that include meat. The real issue here is idolatry. So much of the meat available to the Christians in Rome came from pagan temples and had been offered to pagan gods in their ceremonies. What the believers in the church were unsure about was whether it was permissible for Christians to eat meat that had been involved in idolatrous religious rituals. Some were eating it, while some weren’t, and this was creating tension within their congregation.

What does all of that have to do with anything? Stay with me.

Paul doesn’t give the Romans a direct answer on this, like ‘Yes, you can eat that meat’ or ‘No, stay away from that.’ Instead, his guidance is more situational:

Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother or sister… If your brother or sister is distressed by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love… Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding… it is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that makes your brother or sister stumble. (14:13, 15, 19, 21)

His primary concern wasn’t their food. It was their neighbors. To Paul, it doesn’t matter where the meat came from; you can eat it (14:14). But, if your neighbor’s faith was unsettled because they saw you, a fellow Christian, eating meat sacrificed to an idol, then you shouldn’t be eating it. The question guiding him wasn't Am I right, or wrong? but Am I helping or harming others?

The backbone of Paul’s teaching here is his conviction that Christians must consider the impact their choices have on others, not just the intentions behind those choices. You may act with very pure motives, without any desire to cause harm (physical, spiritual, or otherwise) to another person—but if that harm nevertheless occurs, your good intentions no longer matter. All that matters is the effect your actions had on others.

Sometimes you will be misunderstood, and you may even be unfairly accused of intentional harm.

But instead of getting defensive, what if, in those moments, we kept our neighbors as our primary concern and worried more about the effects of our actions on others than about how we're perceived by others?

What if, instead of rushing to your own defense, you rushed to apologize or make amends?

What if, instead of trying to help them understand you and your intentions better, you tried to understand them and their reaction better?

What if, rather than arguing to show them our innocence, we reached out to show them our love?

You can listen to this devotional right here!