When Christians Fight

I heard a wise pastor say once that the problem is not that Christians fight—it’s that we don’t fight like Christians.

There’s a passage from Colossians chapter 3 that I like to read at weddings:

As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (3:12-14)

I like to read this at weddings because you will never share a happy, fulfilling lifetime with another person without compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love. And in any relationship, humility about our own mistakes, compassion for the other person’s position, love that’s willing to take the L for someone else—these heart habits can always take the edge off of times of tension and conflict.

But when Christians crash into some point of bitter disagreement, whether it’s over interpretations of scripture, church finances, things going on in the nation, or divisive public figures, do we respond to each other with gentleness? How about patience? Humility?

When we fight, do we fight like Christians?

Or think about another popular scripture reading for weddings services, from 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (13:4-5)

When there’s a conflict between Christians or within a congregation, are we easily angered? Do we keep a record of all the ways someone has wronged us? (You know, all those grievances you air when you’re in the car by yourself?)

Of course, even though Paul is writing about Christians living together in the Church, these words apply just as well to our lives together outside of church: with our friends, co-workers, parents, spouses, kids. (That’s why we read them at weddings!) Disagreement and conflict are unavoidable. However, you and I can dramatically alter the outcome of a dispute by changing our behavior in the middle of it. The key is approaching those moments committed, above anything else, to the kind of Christlike love Paul’s talking about here.

Because the real problem isn’t that Christians fight: it’s that we don’t fight like Christians.

We fight just like the rest of the world.

You can listen to this week's devotional below: