Fighting Reactivity

I hope you had fun yesterday, because today’s Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the forty days of fasting and repentance that we call Lent. I’m a bit of a killjoy during Lent—I’m all about the self-reflection and self-denial. Which is why I thought it'd be fun to listen to the words and stories of some ancient Christian monks in these devotionals for the next few weeks. Okay, maybe “fun” is too strong a word, but I think it'd be appropriate and good.

These monks are known as the Desert Fathers. They’re believers who literally left everything to follow Jesus in the desert (mostly in Egypt), living lives of humility, simplicity, and solitude. Their sayings and episodes from their lives have been studied by Christians for over 1500 years, because they led lives of extraordinary spirituality and commitment to Christ. To me, their discipline and devotion are beautiful examples to ponder during this season in particular, and their insights into faithful living can guide us any time of the year.

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Once, a monk asked another brother named Poemen about Paul’s words to the Thessalonians: “See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.” (1 Thess 5:15) In the King James Version, it’s “See that none render evil for evil…” So Poemen started to tell this monk about “the passions,” meaning some of our sinful inclinations and reactivity:

The passions work in four stages: first in the heart, then in the face, third in words, fourth in deeds – and it is in deeds that it is essential not to render evil for evil. If you purify your heart, passion will not show in your expression, but if it does, take care not to speak about it; if you do speak, cut the conversation short in case you render evil for evil.

Have you ever noticed that progression in yourself? A person wrongs you or someone you care about – maybe they said something hurtful or humiliating – and immediately you feel indignant and prickly.

Then your face shows it: your eyes tighten, or your jaw clenches.

Then you open your mouth and let your reactivity tell them exactly what you thought about what they did.

And if it escalates beyond words, then you’re really getting into trouble.

I’d say that repaying someone evil for evil begins even before deeds, with our words. After all, “the words of the reckless pierce like swords” (Prov 12:18).

Poemen’s real wisdom, though, is his strategy for combating our passions. He’s mapped out the terrain, and now you know where to engage. Make your reactivity fight for every inch of ground! First, try to smother it in your heart, maybe with some self-awareness or perspective. But if that doesn’t work, keep your face impassive. Don’t give any ground to the anger welling up in you. If you face betrays your feelings, you can still bite your tongue. If that doesn’t work, if you hear yourself telling them, “You know what?...”—it’s not too late! You can still zip those lips again, spit out a “Nevermind,” and walk away.

The payback we can easily dole out isn’t inevitable. There are points along the way where we can fight those sinful inclinations and stem the flow.

But it all starts with the heart. Like Jesus said, it’s from within, from the heart, that all kinds of evil thoughts come: murder, adultery, coveting, deceit, pride, and more. (Mark 7:21-23) What kinds of thoughts and feelings are you making room for in your heart? And what kinds of deeds have those led to?

If we want to become people who don’t “repay anyone evil for evil,” change has to start there. Your heart is where that holy rebellion really begins.